A must share.

Thank you to the blog world that I met the blogger of my dreams! Well, not really met but actually had the opportunity to come across her blog! I love her wit and energy! Plus she had me at her blog name itself!

Check her out! http://www.manrepeller.com/

And her latest post! Very quirky! http://www.manrepeller.com/2012/11/on-being-earnest.html

Mission To The Edge of Space | Success!

Mission To The Edge of Space | Success!

Human Diary.

At some point in our life we get to that moment where we have something trapped inside us and seek for an outlet. It can be in any form. Writing, singing, eating, drinking, shopping and blah and blah. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to. Someone who will listen. I call them Human Diaries. I think we all have them.  They can be your family or your friends or your distant friends. It can be you.

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing. -Blaise Pascal

Now for choosing for the right human diary. The heart has the right to pick. It has its own reasons. You don't just pour out everything to someone you just met you know. You'll know when you have the right person when you have that urge to poop. Joke, urge to let that weight be shared. Characteristics we love about them: Comfort, that we can be ourselves with them and hide nothing. They are honest, and you'll love what they're about to say, right or wrong you appreciate their opinions (kahit na kulang nalang batukan ka nila). They will actually be there for you, near far wherever you are. Haha. They check up on you from time to time, plus their constant reminder of not hurting yourself. They accept you for whatever you are, because you were born this way, baby. :D

I love being a diary. Its kind of my way of showing how I care. I love capturing people's awkwardness and their stillness. It makes it more real. I'm grateful enough to have diaries of my own, makes me feel like I'm not so alone anymore.

S.

Life Lessons: Expectations

If there's anything I know how one thing goes, its expectations. It is what we consider to what most likely will happen. But what if things does not turn out the way we want it to be? Frustration kicks in. Disappointment and hurt. Consider the weight of your expectations. The higher the expectation the higher chance you most likely be disappointed. Why? Because we built this concept in our head that things and people should be done and behave certain ways. Its like would our fantasy meet with our reality? Well sometimes yes and sometimes no. Its like people, you expect someone to be this superhero role model in your head but ends up doing the most Ahole-ish thing you've seen. Image crushed. You end up hating them for what they did and sometimes affects the whole perception of his superhero role model. Leaves our hearts crushed.

Its like the weatherman telling you tomorrow will have clear skies and sunshine so you decide to go to the beach first thing in the morning, you wake up excited and ready to go out and then the clouds starts to darken and rain starts falling. That has never happened to me before but that would really suck. Dalai Lama said "I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path". So yes, the simplest solution is taking all your expectations and throwing it out the window. The less you expect, the less you get hurt. Do everything in your power to do good and don't expect people to appreciate you in return. Accept the reality that it is what it is. Plus, if you are happy with what you are doing you don't really need people to see and say something about that. Its like the random act of kindness we see around. So stop expecting and start appreciating.

S.

Anti anxiety.

I have this thing where I always and I mean always think a lot or just maybe over think things. Its not that I'm not happy. I am. Its just like, I cant not think. You know? I hate that. I hate that I sound high. I hate that I cant get it out my system. I hate that I have to do something "productive" just to stop my anxiety. I hate the fact that I take anti anxiety drugs just to have a good sleep. Sometimes I think it may never really go away. I hate that.

I only have my music. That calms me and most of the time helps. I have this, writing. That takes off twenty five percent of the load.  So that probably helps too. I don't know  if I'm the only one who thinks this. This sucks. Me and messy brain. Sorry, I just needed to rant it here. My brain can type! :)) Oh well, the drug is starting to kick in. I must go.


S.

Corruption is now normal.

Earlier today I became a victim of government's corruption. It was the highlight of my day. I was so amazed how those officials would randomly ask you for money in exchange for what you need. Its illegal but they act like its normal and "part of the system".

I was applying to get an NBI clerance and normally, getting an NBI clearance takes you hours or even days if your name "hits" something in their system. It was almost 4:30pm when I arrived in a local mall (because nbi clearances takes place in the city hall but is very very crowded so they opened in a few local malls) I had no idea that they only accept 500 people per day. I was with my Dad and he took a chance to introduce himself and ask the official in charge if we could get clearances now since there are no people applying and they weren't doing anything in their chairs or maybe reserve a spot for tomorrow so that  we wont have to wait; then the official was "Aahh okay lang sige, Boss! Padagdagan nalang po ng bayad." And my dad agreed thinking "Ahh sige 100 bucks wont hurt." and I was okay with it because I didn't hear their money talk so I thought they were just being nice! While I was filling up forms, my dad told me to give them a hundred bucks after the filling. I thought it was his idea to give them money since they were nice enough to entertain us. My dad went out for a while before I can even finish the whole process. Ayy! When I was filling out their forms pala the guy in charge was WATCHING PORN!! He had earphones on but you can still hear the moaning and everything! I wanted to laugh but that really freaked me out! Anyways! As I was paying for the usual fee the man who was in charge came up to me and ask if my dad left money for them and I was wow-ed by their casualness to ask me and I went along with it since they were a big help to us, as I was reaching for 100 bucks in my purse he asked for an exact amount of money! 400 pesos in my face! Its for their merienda daw. WOW as in WOW. Merienda mo 400 pesos? :))) I was caught off guard and in the end gave in to what they wanted. When I was done and met my dad outside I told him about the incident abd he was like "Akala ko okay na sila sa 100! 400?!?! Grabe ang corrupt!" :)))))))

I wasn't really suppose to react like this its just thaaaaaat was MY MONEY! :)) I didn't think about it nalang. I thought about it as a payment for not waking up early and not waiting in line. Its so sad to know that your own country would corrupt you right in front of your face. I still have hopes for you, Philippines :(



S.

"Remember, remember the 5th of November"

Just because its the 5th of November and I like etymologies! Familiar with this quote? Yes, it is from  the graphic novel of Alan Moore's "V for Vendetta"that inspired James McTeigue's 2005 film starring Hugo Weaving and Natalie Portman which where they made the quote famous. 

The quote serves as remembrance of Guy Fawkes Day. According to the Washington Post (just so you won't get all cyber crime on me), Fawkes was the 17th century revolutionary who attempted to blow up England's Parliament building on November 5, 1605 in what is now commonly referred to as the Gunpowder Plot. Fawkes, after getting caught, tortured and executed, became immortalized through parables, rhymes and other stories. 

Remember, remember the 5th of November

The gunpowder treason and plot

I know of no reason

Why the gunpowder treason

Should ever be fought

Favorite scene! When Natalie Portman shaves her head! She's still gorgeous.

S.

Partial confession.

I never really understood feelings. I never understood how it supposed to be expressed, does it have a limit? Do you just let yourself go for it? Should you control it? Should you even feel it? Should you be embarrassed? Proud? Do you tell or just keep it in you? I haven't got the slightest clue really. Plus I think I'm not the only one in this planet who feels this way :))

So why am I blogging this? I kind of had this impromptu confession just recently. I didn't really confess using my clear words but I kind of assumed he already knew. Ugh. I'm really the most awkward person when it comes to these situation no confidence at all. Okay so this what went down. We were at a party and my "real" friends were teasing me because they knew I liked this guy from our class way waaaaaay back. So to blame the alcohol, my "real friends" started to tell stories about my stupid school girl crush moments (ex. wrongs sent sms, the taxi and many more) to this guy and I was defending myself that it happened ages ago and na wala nalang yun ngayon, then the guy turned to me and held my hand and was like "Ano yun? Anong meron?" I was gonna answer him agad sana but I was really distracted of why he had to hold my hand! Really cocky. So then I was thinking of the best way to tell him without sounding like a drunk Lizzie Mcguirre and all I can think of was "ALAM MO NAMAN NA ATA YUN DIBA?" Blah. So much for bravery no? So then he responded by saying "Ahh yun ba yung sinabi sakin ng pamangkin ko?" Quick history. His niece is best friends with my sister which I tell my sister everything and I remember my sister telling me she told his niece about it and yes you guessed it the niece sold me to the guy. Moral lesson: Don't trust you sister! So back to the story :)) I assumed that he already knew since his niece told him na pala. So yeah, I said "Oo yun nga yun." I never really knew what the niece exactly said though. But what the hell. Its all in the past.

After the whole scene I was actually okay with him knowing. I'm still awkward as hell but it was still okay. We were okay and were even able to joke about it. I felt  my walls were no longer walls anymore. Felt free.



S.

When its way past your bedtime.

Tonight I decided to not sleep early. Since review classes are over and I'm pretty much considered a bum since I'm unemployed and too lazy to go out nowadays and has nothing else better to do but be the errand girl of my father. My life is just exciting right now no? :))

I'm bringing insomnia back. Haha. I forgot how I'm not so lonely in these hours when I'm online. You see you have the 24/7 gamers, the god-knows-what-they-watch-online at midnight, the friends and family from the opposite time zones, the awesome blogs (which you get to see their post first hand before the morning people does), the bloggers, the film makers, the indie artists and of course your online friends who are just plain love sickos (posts anything and everything about love) and others. So basically there are interesting people online at these hours. I don't really know where I fit in those categories though.

I had a talk with I think one of the most interesting friends I have on Facebook. He was my classmate back in junior year high school. He writes, he films, he takes awesome photos with any camera (SLR or not). He shared stories like we were on a radio show. That was a laugh. I felt like Kris Aquino in a never ending in depth questions. It was a good talk. I'm so excited for his career! I know he'll do good.

I'm looking forward for my next chat with more interesting people at midnight. And I don't mean porn :)))



S.

Brave-er.

I actually started blogging 2 years ago. I have this really really really private blog account back then which is filled with my bipolar-ish  poignant emotions I had back then. Main reason? Love. You act crazy, you think differently and really hits you rock bottom. Yes, this girl is not all humor at all. I remember reading a phrase which goes like "The happiest people outside are the saddest people inside." I don't know who said that though but a part of me felt a sense of agreement. I mean its not that I'm really emotional and all, its just that my feelings are really genuine. Or is it just the same thing? Hahahaha. Even I  don't know. So you might ask what's all the fuzz about; well nothing really, I just wanted a public account that I can share with people, just this time I'm braver. So yeah, feel free to read or comment. Oh and wait I have to warn you! I bite! ;)

S.