Partial confession.

I never really understood feelings. I never understood how it supposed to be expressed, does it have a limit? Do you just let yourself go for it? Should you control it? Should you even feel it? Should you be embarrassed? Proud? Do you tell or just keep it in you? I haven't got the slightest clue really. Plus I think I'm not the only one in this planet who feels this way :))

So why am I blogging this? I kind of had this impromptu confession just recently. I didn't really confess using my clear words but I kind of assumed he already knew. Ugh. I'm really the most awkward person when it comes to these situation no confidence at all. Okay so this what went down. We were at a party and my "real" friends were teasing me because they knew I liked this guy from our class way waaaaaay back. So to blame the alcohol, my "real friends" started to tell stories about my stupid school girl crush moments (ex. wrongs sent sms, the taxi and many more) to this guy and I was defending myself that it happened ages ago and na wala nalang yun ngayon, then the guy turned to me and held my hand and was like "Ano yun? Anong meron?" I was gonna answer him agad sana but I was really distracted of why he had to hold my hand! Really cocky. So then I was thinking of the best way to tell him without sounding like a drunk Lizzie Mcguirre and all I can think of was "ALAM MO NAMAN NA ATA YUN DIBA?" Blah. So much for bravery no? So then he responded by saying "Ahh yun ba yung sinabi sakin ng pamangkin ko?" Quick history. His niece is best friends with my sister which I tell my sister everything and I remember my sister telling me she told his niece about it and yes you guessed it the niece sold me to the guy. Moral lesson: Don't trust you sister! So back to the story :)) I assumed that he already knew since his niece told him na pala. So yeah, I said "Oo yun nga yun." I never really knew what the niece exactly said though. But what the hell. Its all in the past.

After the whole scene I was actually okay with him knowing. I'm still awkward as hell but it was still okay. We were okay and were even able to joke about it. I felt  my walls were no longer walls anymore. Felt free.



S.