Well lookie here. Its December again. I know most of you guys are very much excited for this month because... Tis' the season to be jolly, Falalalala lalalala.
Meanwhile inside my ardent cave its gonna be just a normal month. I rarely get excited about Holidays., particularly Christmas. Don't think I'm a Grinch here. I am not. I love the December weather. I love the fact that people are nice on Christmas and I love Christmas parties and gifts!
So why am I not excited you might ask... I guess maybe because the fact that as long as I can remember I have been spending my actual Christmas days alone. Yeah sure we would go to church and have Noche Buena together which would take us 2-3 hours and then off they go. After dinner they would usually go their own way. That leaves me spending the rest of the night watching sappy Christmas movies because I don't really have friends nearby to party crash.
It gets worse. 9 years ago my Mom was forced to go away. So that means my sibs and I are left with Dad. And uuuuhhhhhh... Lets just say he's not really the best dad on holidays. He gets drunk earlier than Jesus was born! So if you can imagine, not fun. Not fun at all. It doesn't end there though. Recently, my sibs left. They are with Mom now. So yes, you guessed it! That leaves me and pops! Really not fun. NOT FUN AT ALL.
So you see, I don't really have the ideal family. But its okay. I don't feel anger and I don't feel shame. I think its just the way it is. Some people are blessed with family and some are not. You know my happiest Christmas was? It was back when I thought Santa was real. Its a cliche. I know. But back then, everyone was actually happy. We were many-er. The house was full of noise. It was good noise actually. The noise of laughing and singing and love. I'll always hold on to that memory. And I know one day my Christmas mojo will be back! ;)
S.
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